


soft smile, cold december night, promise

by ecomexi



Category: Ensemble Stars, Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Aoi Hinata and Aoi Yuuta (mentioned), Harukawa Sora (mentioned), Kisses, M/M, Post-Graduation, natsume is a fortuneteller and tsumugi runs a knick knack store
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 12:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13077108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecomexi/pseuds/ecomexi
Summary: Loneliness was the monster of the winter season, and Natsume was feeling it now more than ever.





	soft smile, cold december night, promise

The night was chilly, one of those nights when if you breathed, icy white clouds would erupt from your mouth like smoke. Cold nights like those — those nights where you ended up being feeling lonely no matter how many people surrounded you — Natsume loathed. And although the loneliness would be painful no matter how desolate the world around him actually was, his environment _was_ lonely. He was used to taking the train home early, early in the morning from work, but winter was just the kind of season that made Natsume feel especially disconnected from his life.

Three in the morning. Snow was falling, albeit few people would see. Natsume winced, feeling a stinging chill slowly building in his gloveless hands. The train stop was silent and solitary; snow was beginning to build upon the roof of the old payment booth. Most nights Natsume enjoyed having the train to himself. It gave him time to sort out his thoughts — not that he had many things to think about lately, only business and work and even more work — but lately he'd started to hate the solace he felt before. What use was there in feeling content? What enjoyment did he derive from being successful, anyway? How could he convince himself he was happy when he was alone; no close friends, no boyfriend? Humanity's purpose was to love, and to have compassion. But Natsume was living without it.

Yeah, he did hate it, a lot. But it was too late to reach out anyway, so he didn't think there was any use in trying to do so. The train pulled up, and Natsume tried to dispel his thoughts before he stepped onto it. He swiped his card, and promptly he was almost met face to face with something awful.

 _Someone_ awful. Natsume knew he should have acted more surprised to see him — he sure as hell _felt_ surprised — but instead he firmly tightened his lips and glared.

  "Do I even want to know what _you're_ doing hERE?" Natsume said icily to Tsumugi. Tsumugi merely remained standing open-mouthed, dumb-founded. Natsume sniffed, and coldly pushed him aside. "It's fINE. If you're not going to answer, then please step aside, faILURE."

Natsume moved onto the train, and sat down. He listened to the commotion between the boarding captain and his troublesome senpai, but soon slid his earbuds in and closed his eyes. If he closed his eyes he would go away. If he closed his eyes he wouldn't have to confront him. If he closed his eyes Tsumugi didn't exist.

  "Oh, is payment the problem? I'll just swipe again then!" Tsumugi smiled and swiped his card, and the captain seemed to settle down. Tsumugi nodded contently at him and proceeded. Natsume sensed his approach, and stubbornly kept his eyes shut. He suddenly realized they were squeezed shut now, as if wanting more than anything else to shut Tsumugi out of his sight... Was that really true?

  "Natsume-kun!" greeted Tsumugi, holding his hand out to him and taking the empty seat next to him, although he had the entire train to choose from. But the only reason he was still on it was because of him, anyway, though, so Natsume couldn't say he was all that surprised. Begrudgingly Natsume opened his eyes.

  "I would hate nothing more than to hold the hand of a snAKE."

Tsumugi let his hand drop. "Haha, I guess you're right! Even though we haven't seen each other in so long, you're still so cold to me, huh... ♪" He smiled warmly. "It's fitting for someone like me though, it's not like I deserve anything more than complete disregard!"

  "Stop tHAT," Natsume grimaced, and took his earbuds out. "You haven't changed, sENPAI."

  "Ah, so you'll still call me that, huh? How cute~♪" Tsumugi teased.

  "I͓̪̺ ͇̝̖̱͜s͚ͅi̫n҉͍͙̗̱̥̦c̦̜̪͚͇͎͠ḙ̗̱̫͙ͅr̬͈̖̘e̩̰̗ḻ̗͉̠̱y͇͡ ͈̯̠̘͉͘h̹͈̖̤̭͡ͅo͖̺̻̗̗p̷͈̩̩͙e̷̩̤̱̥̹ ̴̩̼̲y͔̱͖͈̰͖͡o̫̬̫̫̳̗ų͉ ̢͈̲̣̤͕ͅͅp̧̰e͔̪̝̤̘̠r̘͜i̦͡s̗̩͖͓̰̣̥ḫ̵̦.͔͙"

  "W-Wah! It seems like you haven't changed either then, Natsume-kun!"

  "AnyWAY." Natsume looked outside the train's window, avoiding eye contact with his senpai almost sulkily. "What are you doing at three am all the way out hERE?"

"Sora-kun told me no one had seen you for a while, so I thought I should come and check up on you?" He folded his hands. "And I know you work late and all, so everyone wanted me to make sure you're alright!"

Natsume glared at him. "I'm fINE. I don't know what gave you any other imPRESSION, but I don't need you to follow me around anyMORE, so you should just go BACK."

"Ehehe, I know anyone would want really badly to, but you can't get rid of me as easily as that!"

"Is that rIGHT."

"Yes? Natsume-kun, I've always told you to stop lying and rely on me more as your senpai, you know? I'm incompetent and can't read between the lines, so I think staying here with you is the most I can do to make it up for you, anyway."

"I already know you're incompeTENT, you don't have to tell me aGAIN." Natsume watched the train whiz by snow and roads and buildings. It was a long while between work and his apartment, unfortunately, meaning he was trapped in conversation with this... bother for the next forty-five minutes or so. "I did say that I would stay with you forEVER, now that I think about IT, but I'd rather die than spend even an hour on this train with a mistake like YOU."

"That's..." Tsumugi looked up wistfully at the train's ceiling. "Yeah, I probably was never meant to be born on this earth, and I probably have no purpose to fulfill in the grand scheme of things. I probably shouldn't have even been born, to be honest. But... for as long as I'm here, I want to be able to be with you, Natsume-kun — to make it up to you."

Natsume frowned, slightly troubled — worried, even. "You make it sound like you don't plan to be living for LONG."

Tsumugi didn't say anything. Natsume reached over and socked him in the shoulder, hard (as hard as someone who never worked out could be with his punches). Tsumugi cried out in pain and glared at him, and Natsume's eyes narrowed threateningly. "IdiOT. I stayed with you during high school so you wouldn't do something so stuPID, so don't you dare think about reversing all my hard work so careLESSLY."

"If it's Natsume-kun, I guess that's okay..." He sighed; Natsume noticed that his breath was tangible. It was just like this cheap old train service to hold out on heating. Tsumugi stole a glance at Natsume again. "It's cold this morning, isn't it? Cold weather like this always makes me happy. ♪"

"I suppose it WOULD. It makes sense you of all people would enjoy cold this suFFOCATING." Natsume shifted. "I don't particularly care for this kind of weATHER."

  "Hm? Why is that?"

  "No reaSON."

  "Well, when you say that, you make it sound like there's actually some larger meaning!"

  "Just shut UP. You're just as bothersome as when we were in high SCHOOL."

Tsumugi laughed, and Natsume noticed his face had lit up, the most he'd seen in anyone in a while. Was he actually happy to see him? That stupid idiot. "Well, if you're just cold, I'll always hold your hand, Natsume-kun. I was your senpai, after all."

That idiot. That stupid mindless failure of an idiot.

  "Just shut up, senPAI. PleaSE." Natsume jerked his hand  forward and held it to his side suddenly, offering an mortifyingly embarrassed expression and no elaboration. Tsumugi looked at him, his face wrinkling, confused and then surprised.

  "E-Eh? Natsume-kun, you'd actually hold hands with me, even though I don't deserve it?"

  "I'm not doing it for yOU, you iDIOT. Just hurry up before I change my MIND."

After a moment with much hesitation, Tsumugi took his hand, and their fingers curled around each other. Natsume felt his heart flutter but promptly and deliberately killed the feeling.

"Ahaha... This reminds me of the time we slept together in the underground passage," Tsumugi laughed nervously. Natsume felt Tsumugi's grip tighten. "Your sleeping was so peaceful~♪"

"Senpai, do you want to DIE?" Natsume grumbled, glowering. "That was the worst moment of my LIFE."

  "Oh yeah, I could understand why!" Tsumugi agreed. "I've done awful things, after all; who would want to embrace a body soaked in blood? ♪"

Natsume punched him again with his free hand. Tsumugi, pouting, leaned back in his seat. He looked as if he wanted to ramble on, but Natsume's icy, sharp stare held him back from it. Instead his head rested gently on the window that was freezing over as he gazed out it, murmuring to Natsume as if to make small talk.

  "How has the celebrity life been, then?" He said brightly to change the subject at Natsume's unspoken request. "Sora-kun says it keeps you busy."

  "Yes, that's RIGHT... We _are_ here at three in the morNING."

  "That's from working so late, huh?" Tsumugi mused. "Wahh, that sounds like a lot of work. I'm sorry I held you back all those years, Natsume-kun."

  "Do we always have to make this about YOU?" Natsume snapped harshly. "It was my deciSION, so stop making it seem like it's your fAULT. It's quite selfISH."

Tsumugi just smiled, and Natsume remembered that he was holding hands with this person. This was a person who caused him nothing but trouble and worry and annoyance. He couldn't say he was _happy_ to have to deal with again, per say, and he didn't even know if it was much better than sitting in the cold train and sulking alone. But he was still here, and only eight minutes had passed, and god, he was going to have to actually _talk_ to him without brushing him off... This strange, annoying person whom he could never quite figure out, and Natsume didn't think he ever would, honestly. And that wasn't refreshing or comforting in the slightest. It was exhausting. _He_ was exhausting.

"AnyWAY, what did you end up doing with your life, senPAI?" Natsume asked quizzically, racking his brain to try to make conversation.

"Mother's getting sickly, so at the moment I'm busy taking care of her," he responded. "But otherwise I opened that shop like I told you about. And Sora-kun's pursued being an idol."

"With those friends of HIS?"

"Yeah. It's kind of lonely without Eichi-kun or you, Natsume-kun, but I'm doing fine, I think." Tsumugi squeezed his hand. "It's not very fun to live for no one."

"Stop whining and live for yourSELF. You don't need someone to tell you what to DO or why to LIVE. That's my job, iDIOT."

Tsumugi suddenly began laughing, and Natsume began to question if he said something unseemly, until —

"Natsume-kun," he said with a bright grin once the giggling had ceased. "That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

Natsume scoffed. "Just shut UP. Haven't I already told you THAT?"

"Haha, it's weird but, all of our conversations that you start seem to end in you telling me to shut up."

"Why haven't you shut up, THEN?"

"You're the one who keeps talking to me, though!" Tsumugi pleaded. "I don't mind never speaking, though. Just being together, alone with you, Natsume-kun, is more than I should ever deserve."

Again, Natsume felt something annoying buzzing in his chest. "Shut U —" He began to spit, but corrected himself — "Er, stop saying those tHINGS, you know it's irriTATING."

Silence. Tsumugi's grip on Natsume's hand was tightened all-time now, and he leaned on him dependently. If Natsume were to rotate his head just a small bit, he knew his senpai and he would be nose-to-nose.

"Hey, Natsume-kun..." He began. "It isn't right for me to say this, but... I need you. I miss you."

Silence. Tsumugi's head rested in the crook of Natsume's neck.

"Was it really right of you... to promise me those things... and then leave me for dead...? Was it a lie...?"

"It wasn't a LIE," Natsume said forcefully in response, the sudden tense atmosphere choking his words back. "It's my reVENGE, you kNOW?"

"Revenge..." Tsumugi sighed, exhaling a warm cloud of air. "In that case, please find it in yourself to forgive me."

"SenPAI."

"I'm wretched, and I'm awful, and I've done horrible things, but..." Natsume stared forward, past Tsumugi whose warm skin was pressed against his neck. "I'm finding it harder to find a will to live, even though you've tried so hard to help me..."

"SenPAI."

"So please forgive me, after all I've done to you, Natsume-kun."

"SenPAI..."

"I know it's selfish, and it's manipulative, and it's awful, and I've done nothing to deser —"

"Senpai," Natsume said with his voice louder and clearer. He cringed at and immediately regretted the abandonment of his vocal tick.

"Natsume... -kun?" Tsumugi responded; he looked up at Natsume, wide-eyed as if a doe caught in traffic. "I'm sorr —"

"Just shut UP," Natsume sighed, and kissed Tsumugi's forehead, right where his hairline would be if it weren't for his stupid long hair. That was the easiest and most simple way to shut him up, and Tsumugi's head was right below him, after all. Yeah. That was all.

  "N-N-Natsume-kun?!" Tsumugi sputtered, his face reddening. "Could it be that you don't hate me after all...?!"

  "I still hate yOU, you faiLURE. And didn't I tell you to be quIET?" Natsume bit his lip. "ListEN. I couldn't care less about why you're talking about forGIVENESS. JuST..." Jerkily, almost forcefully, Natsume pulled Tsumugi's hand so that he would face him again. "Stop acting weIRD."

  "But y —"

His heart fluttered and he gathered courage. Courage was really what Natsume needed right then, more than anything. More than anything he needed his heart to be silent for just one damn moment. He needed his mind to be clear; he needed his hands to stop shaking. He just wished for silence, not from his surroundings but from himself. Natsume disconnected his hand from Tsumugi's, and in exchange, moved it to just beneath his ear. Hesitation. It happened in an instant — just a fleeting moment that passed so quickly that Natsume didn't really have time to think about it — but he gazed at Tsumugi's bewildered expression. It wasn't pretty or stunning or breathtaking, but instead felt very real. The artificial light radiating from the train's lights lit up Tsumugi's face, but it did not glamorize the situation. Instead the lights told it how it was. In reality.

It wasn't anything special, the first kiss nor the high clarity of the face of the person receiving it. But the thought was ephemeral and ceased quickly — ceased just before Natsume tilted his head a small bit and met lips with Tsumugi. Natsume felt him twitch, surprised. It was clear that Tsumugi hadn't done anything of the like before — Well, neither had Natsume, so that made them even on that playing field, kind of — because he was stiff for a hot second before clumsily accepting Natsume's touch. And then, before either of them could comprehend or think about what was going on, it ended. Natsume, as if suddenly realizing his actions, jerked backwards. This was strange.

  "I told you to stOP," he mumbled sheepishly.

This was so strange.

Natsume's head fell to slowly embrace his senpai and rested in his shoulders. It looked and felt to Natsume like Tsumugi was going to cry; his shoulders were shaking a little and his eyes had turned glassy. "Why would you do that?" he asked tearily. "Why don't you hate me?"

Natsume paused for a moment to think before he gave up and spoke into Tsumugi's neck, lips touching its skin slightly. "This... is your punishMENT," he lied. "My reVENGE."

Natsume had pressed exactly four breathless kisses into Tsumugi's neck before Tsumugi spoke again. "Natsume-kun, is it really okay to be doing this on the train...?"

Dully Natsume pulled from him and glared. "You always know how to ruin the mOOD, don't yOU?" He wiped his mouth and settled back into his seat. The two of them sat next to each other for a awkwardly quiet moment. Tsumugi laughed.

  "So Natsume-kun, what are you? Some kind of tsundere?" he teased. "Saying things like 'I hate yOU' while you're trying to give someone a kiss doesn't normally make sense~?"

Natsume socked his shoulder again, and smiled slyly. "I don't know what you're talking about when you say 'kiSS'."

  "Ehh?! You're already denying it?!"

Natsume started to respond but immediately after Tsumugi spoke, the train's bell rang, and signaled his destination over the speaker. His smile curled into one of mocking. "See you around, TsumUGI," his cute voice sang, and he turned around.

Strutting to the entrance, Natsume bit his lip so hard he was afraid it would break open and bleed. He hated what had come over him, and he hated that he felt so lonely without anyone by his side that he actually turned to Senpai who he had worked so hard to shut out in high school. He was so frustrating, and so, so hard to figure out. He hated the guilty feeling his heart wrenched at when Tsumugi's innocent and confused eyes looked right into him and asked him why. Because he didn't _know_ why. He didn't know — after he had tried so hard to abandon all love for his senpai back at Yumenosaki — why he'd dug that emotion back up again. God, he was so stupid, and now he was going to shut Tsumugi out again, and he'll be gone, and Tsumugi will never forgive him and Natsume will never see him ever again —

  "Natsume-kun!" Tsumugi yelled as Natsume's panicked thoughts raced. The boarding captain, who was monitoring Natsume's exit, glared menacingly at both of them. Tsumugi followed him outside, where the snow was sure as ever still falling. "Are you going to run away again?" he asked him, out of breath after they met face-to-face in the train station.

  "What did you just say to ME, you worthLESS —" He stopped himself, and took a breath. "I'm not runNING."

  "Promise then," Tsumugi urged. "That you won't shut us out."

  "FiNE. I proMISE."

Tsumugi smiled, radiating contentment. He stuck his pinky finger out. "Till death do us part?"

Natsume frowned, and rolled his eyes. His finger locked with Tsumugi's, and they shook it in the cold of December. "YeAH. Till death do us pART."

.

**Author's Note:**

> based on a shindanmaker prompt so if it feels a ~little~ forced that’s why
> 
> thanks to grace and bouquets for helping me attempt mugi’s character bc he’s a mess
> 
> twit @shinmetoriii


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